An unspoken kind of grief

Let’s be honest, sometimes people die who you…well…hated. That sounds really harsh, but sometimes it’s true.  Or even if you didn’t hate the person, maybe you really didn’t like them…or you had a love/hate relationship…or you found them very difficult…There are a number of ways this can play out, but the fact is that everyone dies, even people you weren’t very fond of. That can leave you grieving someone you didn’t like.The reasons why you may have had a difficult relationship are endless. Maybe they were mean or hurtful; perhaps they were violent or abusive; they could have been toxic or emotionally manipulative; maybe they betrayed you or someone you love.  I could go on and on and on.  No matter what the specific situation, grieving someone you didn’t like can leave you feeling isolated and confused.
People talk all the time about losing someone they deeply loved and cared for. As for grieving someone you had negative feelings towards, people don’t talk as much about that.
 If we understand grief as a natural reaction to loss, you may be thinking that it ISN'T a “loss” that this person ISN'T in your world anymore.
When someone dies who you didn’t like, it isn’t uncommon to suddenly feel the weight of the reality that you know will never get an apology, or have a chance for the relationship to change and improve. Even if those were things you never consciously wanted, knowing they are no longer even an option can be difficult.
You may have imagined that all those complicated feelings would somehow get resolved once the person died.The reality is the pain of a difficult relationship doesn’t die just because a person has died. Though many of these experiences may be negative and painful, you may also see ways you grew from the strains in the relationship.....
It may be in your own commitment to not being like that person or it may be in your growth and avoidance of other negative or toxic relationships. It may even be in your ability to find forgiveness or empathy in an impossible situation. Whatever it is, take some time to appreciate yourself and your own growth, most importantly be kind to yourself.
 Many Blessing J


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